Thursday, July 15, 2004
I am very apprehensive today. Went to see S at the nursing home after work yesterday, and she is slipping mentally. I had an idea yesterday morning, when I got a call from the nurse on duty...
her: "Lynda, I am calling in reference to S. I needed to let you know that she had an injury to her knee when getting out of bed this morning. It is not severe, a bruise and slight skin abrasion."
me: "Did she fall?, what happened?"
her: "We're not really sure. It is not apparent that she hit the floor, we think she got her knee caught on the wheelchair when she was getting into it from the bed."
me: "Is she ok? Do I need to get there right now?"
her: "No, she is fine. I will tell her we talked."
This set me on edge all day, because when S is doing fine, mentally and physically, she has no slips or problems. When I arrived just after 5 last evening, I found S in bed, quite confused, and very upset. It seems, in her mind, she has had someone come into her room and steal her small fridge. (there is no fridge in her room needless to say) She also told me that she can't get into the post office to get her mail, they have bars on the windows to keep her from getting it. (as she is telling me this, she is rubbing the wallpaper in the hall, saying see, feel this) The other statement that has me concerned is that she sent Dennis, her son, off on that trip and forgot to pack him any clothes. "My God, I didn't even pack him any underwear!" she yells. (Dennis has been dead since 1986)
S has been having vivid dreams lately, nightmares really. Oddly, they occur when she sleeps during the day. She is not sleeping well at all at night, and according to the nurses, she is up and down all night. S also told me, that the other night she thought she was dying, and she is so afraid. It has been about 2 or 3 weeks that she has been having the trouble sleeping at night. We accounted it to the fact thatshe is sleeping too much in the day, getting her nights and days mixed up.
I spoke with nursing, thinking perhaps there was a new medication added that might have caused this change since Monday afternoon. No new meds, her nurse stated that it started yesterday afternoon and has gone on all that night and into the day. She said they will be checking her for urinary tract infection, and doing some blood tests tomorrow, thinking that some medical condition may be causing the change in mental status. I contacted Dr. A the psychologist, to make him aware of what is happening, and he said he will get by to see her today or tomorrow. He agrees that it could be an infection in her body throwing her off, but he will monitor her closely and re-institue the psychotic meds if need be. As it is, she is only on Ativan for her nerves 2X's daily.
More than anything, I am concerned that she is afraid. That is so hard to deal with, and no matter how much you rationalize it, it is scary. No one can take that fear from you, no one can make it better. I talk to her about what is real and not, and she sits there and tells me that she knows it's just a dream, but... "To me it's REAL". Yesterday she told me that she was losing it... she said she is dying, that 85 years is all she has, and truthfully,she very well may be dying, I don't know. But I do know, that I want her comfortable mentally and physically whenever possible.
Any of you who read this, and have a mind to say a prayer to a higher power, please add S to your list. I pray to God that she is given a sense of peace with her life, her losses and what is left of her life.
lab2401 at 10:34:00 AM EDT Link to this entry
apprehensive
I am very apprehensive today. Went to see S at the nursing home after work yesterday, and she is slipping mentally. I had an idea yesterday morning, when I got a call from the nurse on duty...
her: "Lynda, I am calling in reference to S. I needed to let you know that she had an injury to her knee when getting out of bed this morning. It is not severe, a bruise and slight skin abrasion."
me: "Did she fall?, what happened?"
her: "We're not really sure. It is not apparent that she hit the floor, we think she got her knee caught on the wheelchair when she was getting into it from the bed."
me: "Is she ok? Do I need to get there right now?"
her: "No, she is fine. I will tell her we talked."
This set me on edge all day, because when S is doing fine, mentally and physically, she has no slips or problems. When I arrived just after 5 last evening, I found S in bed, quite confused, and very upset. It seems, in her mind, she has had someone come into her room and steal her small fridge. (there is no fridge in her room needless to say) She also told me that she can't get into the post office to get her mail, they have bars on the windows to keep her from getting it. (as she is telling me this, she is rubbing the wallpaper in the hall, saying see, feel this) The other statement that has me concerned is that she sent Dennis, her son, off on that trip and forgot to pack him any clothes. "My God, I didn't even pack him any underwear!" she yells. (Dennis has been dead since 1986)
S has been having vivid dreams lately, nightmares really. Oddly, they occur when she sleeps during the day. She is not sleeping well at all at night, and according to the nurses, she is up and down all night. S also told me, that the other night she thought she was dying, and she is so afraid. It has been about 2 or 3 weeks that she has been having the trouble sleeping at night. We accounted it to the fact thatshe is sleeping too much in the day, getting her nights and days mixed up.
I spoke with nursing, thinking perhaps there was a new medication added that might have caused this change since Monday afternoon. No new meds, her nurse stated that it started yesterday afternoon and has gone on all that night and into the day. She said they will be checking her for urinary tract infection, and doing some blood tests tomorrow, thinking that some medical condition may be causing the change in mental status. I contacted Dr. A the psychologist, to make him aware of what is happening, and he said he will get by to see her today or tomorrow. He agrees that it could be an infection in her body throwing her off, but he will monitor her closely and re-institue the psychotic meds if need be. As it is, she is only on Ativan for her nerves 2X's daily.
More than anything, I am concerned that she is afraid. That is so hard to deal with, and no matter how much you rationalize it, it is scary. No one can take that fear from you, no one can make it better. I talk to her about what is real and not, and she sits there and tells me that she knows it's just a dream, but... "To me it's REAL". Yesterday she told me that she was losing it... she said she is dying, that 85 years is all she has, and truthfully,she very well may be dying, I don't know. But I do know, that I want her comfortable mentally and physically whenever possible.
Any of you who read this, and have a mind to say a prayer to a higher power, please add S to your list. I pray to God that she is given a sense of peace with her life, her losses and what is left of her life.
lab2401 at 10:34:00 AM EDT Link to this entry
I, too, will add S. to my "send energy" list. You, too, will be included- it is as hard on the caregiver as on the one needing care. Blessings, Margo
Comment from magogos - 7/30/04 5:04 PM
Comment from magogos - 7/30/04 5:04 PM
I will definately be saying a prayer for you and for S. We recently lost my father in law and he was the same way before passing away. Often talking about things he hasn't done since he was a small child growing up in Canada. I wish you strength. (sp?) ~Melissa~
Comment from sweetmelissa4u - 7/17/04 1:42 PM
Comment from sweetmelissa4u - 7/17/04 1:42 PM
Linda I will add her to my prayer list. It sounds so much like my uncle who passed away several years ago. When he lost it menatally it never came back. I used to sit with him for hours trying to get him to realize things. john
Comment from dymphna103 - 7/15/04 10:30 PM
Comment from dymphna103 - 7/15/04 10:30 PM
God Bless you both.
Sharon
Comment from spurgins311 - 7/15/04 4:19 PM
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